For those who have read my first blog post about my experience being a Thai language learner, then you’ll know that I struggled at the beginning of this summer finding the right teacher. I dropped out of two university courses before I settled with an amazing private tutor that aligned with my style of learning. Her name is Kruu Ruchira. She teaches out of a small side house on her property with her daughter, Kruu Em. Including me she only has about five or six students, most of whom are missionaries, and she teaches us every day for at least two hours one on one. She knows a limited amount of English for communicating, so about 95% of her interactions with her students are all in Thai.

Last week she invited me over during the weekend with the other Thai language learners for lunch.

“We’ll be making laab blaa (mince fish), yam khai dao (fried egg salad) and som tum (spicy papaya salad, my favorite)”, she explained. She told me once she’s famous for her papaya salad.

My eyes initially beamed with excitement. I love cooking, and I love eating Thai food. Then, I withdrew, “I want to go but I’m really nervous speaking around other foreigners”.

Kruu Ruchira knows how easily nervous and frustrated I can get sometimes, especially when I’m around other foreigners who speak Thai. I have this irrational fear of being judged based off of my language ability. Many foreigners, especially those who are missionary, are required to go to Thai classes for their mission work. They have far more exposure to Thai on the day to day than myself, and their language usually soars within only a few months of living here.

“It’s fine! Relax! Don’t worry about it. If you make a mistake no one will care or correct you. Just talk freely!”

Her words helped me relax a bit. Instead of seeing this as a possible traumatizing experience (I’m very sensitive!) I saw it as an opportunity to take a few steps towards alleviating my speaking anxiety. Plus, I assumed her students are probably kind, supportive individuals; Kruu Ruchira even said that she teaches for the passion of teaching and isn’t interested in starting a school or expanding her business. The students she keeps around her are people she genuinely loves, so I was confident that her students and I would get along just fine.

My nerdy teacher instincts started flooding my brain, “This is language learning BLISS” I thought to myself. I’m getting all of this new vocabulary and using new sentences in a relevant context. The best part about it is that I was using the language naturally. Words and sentences were flowing out of my consciousness seamlessly. We weren’t talking about anything especially challenging on a cognitive level, but taking part in an everyday task in another language felt so empowering. Also, my anxiety of talking in front of foreigners simply disappeared. I was so busy caught up in the moment that I had forgotten about it! I stopped caring about making potential errors in speaking. My speech flowed, and I was able to communicate.

The best part, of course, was the eating. Not only did we eat, but we had a discussion about what we’re eating as well. We discussed the levels of spiciness, unknown vegetables, words for different flavors, and the process of cooking. As we shared a meal together, I felt a connection with those around me. I wasn’t only with language learning students, but I was with my “Thai family”.